And despite the fact that I had searched for several years,
and devoted much of my life and energies to being a seeker after truth,
I felt that there were shadows in my life,
that appeared in my dreams.

And sometimes in my dreams the beasts would come
and I would be without a defence,
and I would wake, sweating,
knowing that someday, if the reckoning came -
and I was not convinced that it would never come -
I would be found wanting.